


Baby It's Cold Outside

by swaps55



Series: Opus - The Multiverse [7]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Fluff, Hot Chocolate, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, winter prompts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:07:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27924262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swaps55/pseuds/swaps55
Summary: A series of winter prompts, starting with the Great Hot Chocolate War. Tooth-rotting fluff as far as the eye can see.~Shepard smiles a tender smile, which dissolves into a fiendish grin when he presses the backs of his knuckles to Kaidan’s cheek. Kaidan yelps in dismay and jerks away.“Howare your hands so cold?”The grin gets bigger and more shit-eating. “Now you know how itfeels, Mr. Necromancy hands.”
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Male Shepard
Series: Opus - The Multiverse [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2006281
Comments: 30
Kudos: 28





	1. The Hot Chocolate War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Hot chocolate, with whipped cream on the nose.

It’s dark when Shepard comes in from the barn, and the wind is stiff enough to yank the door right out of his hands. Kaidan looks up from his spot sprawled lengthwise across the couch, hiding a smile at the insulted expression on Sam’s face as the door slams shut with a whoosh of frigid air.

“Get outflanked by the wind?”

Shepard mutters under his breath as he shucks off his boots and shrugs out of his jacket. Underneath, much to Kaidan’s delight, is the charcoal sweater he’d picked up a week ago. It looks exactly as good as Kaidan hoped it would, in spite of the piece of straw stuck to Sam’s head and the production he makes out of clearing his nose.

“Why the hell do we live in a place where the air hurts my face?” Shepard demands.

Kaidan raises an eyebrow and tucks the fleece blanket draped over him a little tighter to seal out the cold. “Because I don’t think Echo would do well on a frigate.”

Shepard’s mouth curves in a grin, which only completes the sweater look. Hell, if he ever thinks he’s going to talk Kaidan into living somewhere that doesn’t require winter wear he’s sorely mistaken.

Kaidan doesn’t bother concealing his appreciation as Shepard makes his way over to the couch and kneels down to kiss his forehead.

“Hey, you,” Kaidan says, plucking the piece of straw from his head.

Shepard smiles a tender smile, which dissolves into a fiendish grin when he presses the backs of his knuckles to Kaidan’s cheek. Kaidan yelps in dismay and jerks away.

“ _How_ are your hands so cold?”

The grin gets bigger and more shit-eating. “Now you know how it _feels,_ Mr. Necromancy hands.”

Kaidan makes a grab for him, but Shepard’s too quick, chuckling as he gets back to his feet. “Don’t go anywhere. Gonna go make something warm. Be right back.”

“Don’t set the kitchen on fire,” Kaidan calls after him.

“Fuck you,” Shepard replies affectionately over his shoulder.

“Warm your hands up first.”

Shepard snorts. Kaidan sets his datapad aside and settles back against the arm of the couch, content to listen to Shepard putter in the kitchen, opening and closing cabinets, shoving something in the microwave. Partly because he sometimes still can’t believe they have this kind of life now, but also because he really can’t put it past Shepard to do structural damage when heating up liquid.

Something does in fact hit the floor with a loud clang, followed by a swift and emphatic, “No fatalities, sitrep normal,” before he continues whatever he’s doing.

Kaidan smiles. So the love of his life can burn water. There had to be a flaw somewhere.

When he returns to the living room, Shepard carries two mugs in his hands and a can of whipped cream tucked under his arm.

“What’s this?” Kaidan asks with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m going native,” Shepard replies. “Aren’t you proud?” He hands Kaidan one of the mugs. Steam wafts from the rim, carrying the scent of something vaguely chocolate. A dollop of whipped cream floats in the center.

“You made hot chocolate?” Kaidan asks with genuine surprise.

“Nothing exploded, either.”

He sniffs it suspiciously. “What did you put in it?”

“Coffee grounds and pepper,” Shepard replies, waiting for Kaidan to rearrange himself to make room for company before sitting down beside him. “What do you think I put in it?”

“I’m just impressed you successfully boiled milk.”

Shepard wrinkles his nose. “Like hell. I just used water.”

Kaidan conceals a look of utter dismay before taking a hesitant sip. God, he probably found an instant pack somewhere instead of cocoa powder, too.

“It’s great,” he lies.

Shepard gives him a bemused look. “Uh huh.”

“Really great.”

“Is that so.”

Kaidan takes another tentative sip. “Mmhmm.”

“That’s not what your face says.”

“Oh really?” Kaidan asks with an arched eyebrow. “What does my face say, then?”

Shepard tilts his head. “It says ‘You did this completely wrong and I’m trying very hard not to show you how much I hate it because I love you and don’t want to hurt your feelings because I know you tried and I don’t want to ruin the moment.’”

Kaidan glares at him. “How do you do that.”

“What?” Shepard asks with a grin. “Was I right?”

“How do you _do_ that?”

Kaidan’s nerves hum as Shepard’s corona kindles faintly. “Space magic,” he replies, before kissing Kaidan on the temple and getting to his feet. He offers his hand, static shock nipping Kaidan’s fingers when he takes it. “Come on then. Show me the right way.”

“I’m not _that_ transparent, you know.”

Shepard chuckles, not releasing his hand. “Maybe not to other people.”

Kaidan smiles, wondering if Shepard senses it without looking. Knowing him, he probably does.

When they reach the kitchen Shepard gestures with one hand before folding his arms across his chest.

“All right. Impress me with your hot chocolate skills.”

Kaidan rocks on his heels, still feeling a little guilt for not just being able to enjoy the gesture for what it was, so Sam opens the fridge and hands him a container of milk.

“You said something about boiled milk? Which sounds disgusting, but I trust you.”

Kaidan takes it from him with a smirk, then digs out a saucepan. “Not quite boiled, but heated, yeah.”

“What else?”

“Cocoa powder.”

Shepard picks up a packet of instant mix that’s still out on the counter and waves it.

Kaidan shakes his head, chuckling. “No. Real cocoa powder. I have a stash in the pantry. I also need chocolate chips, sugar, and vanilla extract.”

“It’s hot chocolate. Why would you put vanilla in it?”

“It balances the chocolate.”

“This is already too complicated.”

Kaidan kisses him on the cheek on his way to the sugar canister. “Some things are worth a little patience.”

Shepard raises an eyebrow. “Are you insinuating something?”

“No idea what you’re talking about.”

“Uh huh.”

As Kaidan starts heating milk on the stove Shepard comes up behind him, arms circling his waist. A slow smile spreads across Kaidan’s face as Shepard plants soft kisses against up and down his throat. Kaidan tips his chin to give him better access.

“Something other than hot chocolate catch your eye?” he asks.

“So I like watching you cook. Or…brew. Or whatever. What do you want from me?”

Kaidan leans back into his chest. “More of exactly what you’re doing sounds nice.”

Shepard’s voice rumbles appreciatively in his ear, sending goosebumps down Kaidan’s arm.

The milk boils over. Kaidan swears under his breath as Shepard laughs and gets a rag. Kaidan dumps the remnants in the sink and starts again, though Shepard does his damndest to derail his efforts a second time. It’s only determination and spite that keeps his concentration on the pot this time, and he adds the cocoa powder, sugar and a dash of vanilla like someone who knows what they’re doing.

“Smells good,” Shepard mumbles, still working on Kaidan’s neck.

“Just wait until I add the peppermint.”

The kissing stops.

“The what now?” Shepard asks, tone guarded.

“Peppermint,” Kaidan repeats, sidestepping to the cabinet where they stash the spices. Kaidan keeps telling himself he’s going to organize them so he can actually find what he’s looking for, but never does. There’s a bottle of peppermint extract in there _somewhere_. He makes a sound of triumph when he finds it, only to turn around and find Shepard staring at him with narrowed eyes and arms folded across his chest.

“Why the hell would you ruin perfectly good chocolate with peppermint?”

“Why the hell would you _pass_ on an opportunity to put peppermint in chocolate?” Kaidan counters.

“It’s _chocolate_ ,” Shepard protests. “Leave it alone.”

Kaidan chuckles. “Since when does the person who would eat plain white rice for the rest of his life have opinions on flavors?”

“Since you tried to put peppermint in my hot chocolate.”

“My mom likes it with cinnamon and cayenne,” Kaidan says, retrieving a clean set of mugs.

Shepard blinks. “Cayenne… _pepper_?”

“Yep.”

“I married into the weirdest fucking family.”

Kaidan waggles an eyebrow and prepares to pour into two mugs. “Okay, so you’re a chocolate purist. Fine. I can respect that. But I’m putting peppermint in mine. Where it belongs.”

“You’re wrong.”

“Bite me.”

“If that’s what you _want,_ but doesn’t change the fact you’re wrong.”

Kaidan laughs, which makes Shepard grin. Warmth shoots through Kaidan right to his toes. That fucking grin, with that fucking sweater. Okay, so maybe he has bad taste in hot chocolate, but Kaidan’s still not sure how he ever got this lucky.

“Important question,” Shepard says, expression turning solemn. “Your stance on whipped cream.”

“That shit in a can?” Kaidan asks, wrinkling his nose. “No. Actual fresh whipped cream? _Yes._ ”

“Well, unless you milked a cow this morning all we have is shit in a can, and if you take whipped cream off the table you might as well just kill me and get it over with.”

“Compromise, then,” Kaidan says, handing him a mug. “We can do shit in a can, but I get to drink my peppermint in peace.”

Shepard takes the mug. “I accept your terms.”

Kaidan stirs the peppermint extract into his own mug, then follows Shepard back into the living room. Before settling in on the couch, he flips on the fireplace. All they need is a little snow and they’ll have a proper winter evening.

Shepard snags the whipped cream can and adds an oversize dollop to his mug while Kaidan shakes his head.

“You are such a snob,” Shepard says.

“I don’t hear you complaining.”

In response, Shepard squirts a dab on Kaidan’s nose. Kaidan swipes it off with a finger and rubs it on Sam’s cheek. All-out war nearly ensues until Kaidan wipes it away with a napkin. Eventually he raises an arm up so Sam can duck underneath and nestle against his chest. When they’re settled, Kaidan tugs a blanket across them. Between the flicker and pop of the fire, the damned good cup of hot chocolate – if he does say so himself – and Shepard’s warm body against him, there’s no place Kaidan would rather be.

Kaidan sets his mug down on the coffee table, then takes Shepard’s and does the same. Before he can protest, Kaidan turns his head and kisses him, soft, slow and tender.

“Oh, _gross,”_ Shepard mumbles into his mouth, before pulling away with a look of distaste.

“ _Gross?”_ Kaidan exclaims. “Did you just kiss me and say _gross?”_

“You taste like peppermint,” he complains.

Kaidan narrows his eyes, then lunges at him, mashing their lips together and shoving his tongue as far he can into Shepard’s mouth. Shepard sputters, frees himself, and emphatically wipes his mouth, before glaring at Kaidan.

“You are the _worst_ , do you know that?”

“I can’t believe you called kissing me _gross._ I’m a damned good kisser.”

“You are,” Shepard assures.

“You are _lucky_ it’s me you get to make out with day in and day out.”

“Very.”

They stare at each other.

“Peppermint is _gross,”_ Shepard informs him.

Kaidan’s eyes flick towards the whipped cream can on the coffee table. Shepard intuits his grab for it too late to stop him and Kaidan lands three strikes before Shepard finally deflects. An errant stream of whipped cream arcs through the air and onto the floor to go along with the dollop on Shepard’s nose, in his ear and on his forehead. As the can clatters to the floor Shepard pins Kaidan to the couch by both wrists, hovering over him with a smirk that would have flipped Kaidan’s stomach, had it not been for the cream stuck to his eyelashes.

“You have something on your face,” Kaidan says.

Shepard leans in and kisses him, sloppy and wet, doing his due diligence to share.

“Is that better?” he asks when they part.

Kaidan wipes at the whipped cream now smeared on his own forehead. “Little bit, yeah.”

Shepard grins and kisses a blob off Kaidan’s nose. “Do you have any idea how much I love you?”

“Apparently enough to put up with peppermint.”

“That’s a lot of love, Kaidan.” Shepard tugs them both back upright and readjusts the blanket until they’re comfortably snuggled underneath, then hands Kaidan his hot chocolate before taking his own.

“This is why we live where the air hurts your face,” Kaidan says, leaning his head against Shepard’s.

Shepard takes another sip and draws Kaidan a little closer. “Peppermint is gross.”

Kaidan smiles. “I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this does not inspire passionate defenses of your hot chocolate preferences I have failed as a person.


	2. Let It Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Caught in a snowstorm

The snow is festive, at least.

Too often there isn’t much snow in December, especially in Vancouver, and all the holiday decorations just end up looking drab and…damp under the grey winter skies. Not so today. The flakes of snow outside are coming down even thicker than they had been back in the mountains of the BC Interior. Snow this hard isn’t that uncommon out at the orchard, but Vancouver usually doesn’t see it.

Outside the train station, wreaths hanging on the lampposts wear a fresh blanket of white. Too early in the day for various holiday lights to be on, but Kaidan vividly remembers the massive display the city puts on down by the bay every year. Adding snow to the mix will make it nothing short of magic. Been a long time since he’s been on Earth for Christmas, and this year will be Shepard’s first experience with Christmas period.

It’s…not going well.

Outside may look like a pleasant winter wonderland, but inside the train station the collective mood of the thickening crowd waiting for loved ones gets farther and farther from goodwill to all, despite the plethora of Santa hats and garish holiday sweaters.

Shepard in particular has the look in his eyes that usually precedes solving a problem with a shotgun, which contrasts rather spectacularly with the evergreen sweater and gold jingle bell on a bright red cord Kaidan strung around his neck. The farther away they get from wearing combat armor, the more fascinating it is to see the soldier emerge.

If Kaidan had any idea how stressful the prospect of celebrating a holiday was going to become, he wouldn’t have pushed for it. For the past two weeks Shepard has approached Christmas like he’s coordinating a full-scale assault on an enemy stronghold. Like it’s something he has to _win._ The poor tree they’d decorated in the living room practically salutes every time he walks through the door.

Kaidan hasn’t dared introduce the ugly sweater concept. The levels Sam could take it to don’t bear thinking about, so he’ll leave that one for his mother.

If she ever gets here.

Shepard paces the train platform, bell jangling with each step, occasionally glaring up at the arrival screen, where the 13:00 train from Kamloops still shows _Delayed_ in red letters.

Kaidan eyes him cautiously. Despite the temptation to say ‘I told you so,’ a peace-on-Earth approach is probably the better choice right now. If Shepard were particularly open to peaceful negotiation.

“Fucking weather,” Shepard mutters under his breath, peering out a window with a scowl. “I _hate_ planets.”

He’s not open to peaceful negotiation.

They’d spent four hours in a skycar to get here, in spite of all of Kaidan’s arguments for why it was a bad idea. Shepard hasn’t learned yet that when Kaidan’s mother makes a plan, you don’t alter the plan. And the plan had been she would take the high-speed rail from Toronto to Vancouver and find her own way to the orchard. It was _her_ plan. Sam’s idea to surprise her at the station was _doomed_ to failure, no matter how noble his intentions.

Of course, the fact he wanted to do it so badly is more than Kaidan’s heart can stand, but that doesn’t change the laws of the universe. Or his mother.

“You can’t surprise my mother,” Kaidan tried to tell him. “It doesn’t work. Trust me.”

“It’ll work,” Sam insisted, back when he was naïve and optimistic.

Shepard, so accustomed to the galaxy getting out of his way whenever he it wanted to, doesn’t understand the opposing force that is Lora Alenko. Or blizzards.

“I flew a Mako through a mass relay and we really can’t figure out how to keep the trains running in snow?” Shepard demands.

“Apparently,” Kaidan says, suppressing a sigh. The sigh would not help matters.

The red lights on the arrival sign flicker, then change. Sam straightens, hopeful, until the word _Cancelled_ appears.

“Son of a _bitch,”_ he swears, throwing an arm in the air. “Fuck this holiday bullshit.” A few people look in his direction, including a kid wearing a red and green knit cap who can’t be more than ten. He grips his mother’s hand, eyes widening with recognition.

Chagrin creeps over Shepard’s face. He clears his throat and offers the kid a salute, before dragging Kaidan further away from the crowd.

“First,” he says, before Kaidan can open his mouth. “ _Don’t_ say it. Second, now what do we do?”

“We go home,” Kaidan says gently. “She’ll get here when she gets here. It’s fine.”

“No it isn’t.” Shepard runs a hand over his scalp and continues pacing. More people start looking their way, so Kaidan takes him by the hand and leads him outside, where the snow continues falling even thicker than before. At this point, just getting _themselves_ home is going to be interesting.

Sam continues muttering under his breath as they walk, jingle bell tinkling merrily. Kaidan puts a hand on his arm, tightening until he stops.

“Hey,” Kaidan says.

Shepard turns his glare skyward, as though he has half a mind to out-temper the storm. Wouldn’t be the first time. He’d ground Noveria’s snow right under his heel. Of course, that time he’d had an armored tank with an eezo core. Surely he can’t do the same with a skycar.

… _surely._

“This was supposed to go _right,_ ” Sam says in defeat.

Kaidan brushes away the snow collecting on Shepard’s shoulder, hiding a smile at the sight of flakes melting on his head. He’d spent so much time joking about making them both wear Santa hats he hadn’t thought to grab _real_ hats.

“First lesson about holidays,” Kaidan says with a chuckle. “Nothing ever goes according to plan. Kind of like you.”

Sam exhales, warm breath dissipating into steam, taking some of his tension with him. He runs a gloved finger down Kaidan’s cheek, channeling some of his intensity into one of those _looks_ that never fails to make him weak at the knees.

“Sam,” Kaidan says, meeting his gaze. “Talk to me. What’s going on? You’ve been a man on a mission for weeks. It’s supposed to be something you – something _we –_ enjoy.”

His expression twists in a way that makes Kaidan’s heart ache. “You’re…my family. Your _mom…_ is now my family. Holidays are important to you.” He hesitates. “And I kind of wanted it to be important to me.”

Kaidan gazes at him, too many thoughts swirling in his head to give voice to any of them. So he leans in and kisses him, softly at first, then more insistently as Sam wraps an arm around his neck and pulls him flush. For the thousandth time, Kaidan wonders how two people fit so perfectly together.

When Kaidan finally pulls away Sam sighs, blinking away flakes of snow.

“Then let’s go home,” Kaidan says. “And I promise, when she gets here? We’ll make it important to all of us.”

Kaidan takes his hand as they walk back towards the skycar. Just for the hell of it, he sticks his tongue out to catch a snowflake, persisting until Sam laughs and tugs him close.

It’s late by the time they make it back to the orchard. The strings of Christmas lights Sam had hung meticulously over the front bushes twinkle merrily, but to their surprise the house itself blazes with light.

Sam’s hand reaches for a sidearm he no longer carries, suspicion in his eyes. “Did you leave the lights on?”

“Nope,” Kaidan says, hiding a smile as he gets out of the skycar.

“Then what the—”

Kaidan chuckles. “You are not the only person who can bully the universe, Sam.”

When they walk in the house Kaidan’s mother sits on the couch with a glass of wine, feet up and adorned with a pair of candy cane slippers, fire roaring merrily in the fireplace. When she gets to her feet, she wears a knit red sweater emblazoned with a green Christmas tree that lights up with omnitool powered lights.

“There you are!” she exclaims as they stamp snow off their boots. “Where the hell have you been?”

Kaidan grins and crosses the room to sweep her up in a hug.

“We…went to get you,” Sam says, giving her a baffled look. “How did you get here? Your train was cancelled.”

“Aunt Li had some last-minute things she needed to take care of, and I saw the weather, so I took an earlier train.”

“I _told_ you,” Kaidan says. “You can’t surprise her.”

“You tried to surprise me?” she asks, genuinely touched.

Kaidan steps aside and she opens her arms expectantly, waggling her fingers until Sam steps sheepishly into them. She leans in and murmurs in his ear, “Good luck with that.”

Sam narrows his eyes, but holds her tight. “Challenge accepted.”

Oh boy. This is _not_ what Kaidan had in mind when he vowed to make new Christmas traditions.

“I missed my boys,” she says, taking Sam’s cheeks in both hands. “And I wasn’t going to miss our first Christmas.”

Sam nods, speechless for once when she lets him go.

“Sam went all out,” Kaidan says with a smile. “You should see the meal he’s got planned for tomorrow.”

She raises an eyebrow.

“Catered,” Sam says swiftly.

She grins. “I can’t wait.”

She goes into the kitchen to dig up two more wine glasses. When she returns, she hands one to each of them and grabs the bottle she’d already opened to fill them.

She picks up her own glass and raises it. “To our new family.”

Sam and Kaidan echo the toast, though Sam’s voice wavers.

They drink. Sam shuffles his feet. Kaidan knows the look on his face. The soldier’s been put away again, but the part of him who believes he has to earn his place – even with his own family – still hasn’t been laid to rest yet.

Kaidan’s working on that.

“So,” Sam says slowly. “I’m, um. Not sure what happens now. I’m not…good at this.”

Kaidan’s mother loops Sam’s arm around her shoulder and walks him over to the couch, where a pile of blankets wait. “Now we cuddle up in front of the fire and get warm, because it’s freezing outside and someone I know hates being cold.”

A smile creeps across Sam’s face. “It’s not so bad. When you’ve got the right company.”

Outside, the snow keeps falling. Inside, the fire flickers and pops.

“So is this what it’s like?” Sam murmurs, tugging a blanket across them and finding Kaidan’s hand underneath it. As soon as he’s settled, Kaidan’s mother drops a Santa hat on his head.

“Yeah,” Kaidan says, kissing his temple. “This is what it’s like.”


	3. Sledding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam takes Kaidan sledding.

Sledding isn’t quite how Kaidan imagined Shepard finally embracing weather.

His mistake. A raging snowstorm, a giant hill with an incline so steep Kaidan’s afraid to measure it, a piece of shit sled they have no business actually trying to use, and no combat armor? How did he _not_ see that coming?

Easy. He got too swept up in the idea of Shepard taking him out “somewhere romantic” in the snow to think it through.

Their ideas of romantic don’t always align.

Which is why Shepard is eagerly settling his weight on a rickety sled while Kaidan runs scenarios on all the ways they’re probably about to die.

There are many. This is a _terrible_ idea.

“Sam, this is a terrible idea.”

“Nah. It’s gonna be great.”

Kaidan’s boots sink deep into the snow on either side of the sled as he sits down behind Shepard, wrapping his arms firmly around his waist. A headwind blows the still-falling snow right into their faces, so he ducks his head and uses Shepard’s broad shoulders as a shield.

“You realize this sled is about thirty years old, and it’s been about that long since I used it.”

“And just like you, I’m sure it gets better with age.”

Kaidan snorts. “This will end in disaster.”

Shepard chuckles, and swirls a finger in the gravity well. “You worry too much.”

Kaidan straightens, nerves humming as a soft shimmer of blue aura sends snow spiraling in eddies.

“…What are you doing?”

“Making it exciting.”

“Sam.”

“Yes?”

“Don’t you _dare.”_

“But it’s gonna be so fun.”

“ _No.”_

“You were the one who wanted me to embrace living in a climate.”

“This is embracing?”

“Yup.”

“You’re doing it wrong.”

“Shut up and hang on, Kaidan. It’s gonna be just like the Mako.”

“Oh, _fu_ —”

Shepard pushes off with his feet and sends the sled careening down the hill, a trail of dark energy glittering behind them like a shooting star.


	4. Do You Want to Build a Snowman?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Making snowmen in an empty field and getting happily drunk off spiked eggnog. 
> 
> :)

Kaidan grabs Shepard by the arm at they stumble off the front porch, a half-empty thermos of Alma’s eggnog in hand. Eggnog probably isn’t the right beverage to carry with them while traipsing through snow drifts, but fuck it. They’ve earned a few bad decisions.

Besides, for one hundred and thirty-four, Alma makes some good fucking eggnog.

“Snow’s that way,” Shepard complains when Kaidan drags him to a halt halfway down the stairs. “Can’t build a snowman on the porch.”

“Hang on. Hang on. We need a carrot.”

“Why the fuck do we need a carrot?”

“For the _nose.”_

“Snowmen have carrots for noses?”

Kaidan’s brow knits in confusion. “Of course they have carrots for noses.”

“ _Why?_ ”

“Because…” Kaidan trails off. Huh. Well. Now he’s stumped. Why _do_ they have carrots for noses? There has to be a reason. Right?

“Because,” he declares, with all the unearned confidence he can muster. “It’s…pointy. And snowmen are…round. It’s about the _contrast_.”

Shepard blinks, giving the explanation due consideration. “Okay you’ve convinced me. I have carrots in the barn.” He stops short. “Don’t tell Echo.”

“Major Tom’s the one you have to worry about. That cat’s a damn snitch _.”_

_“And_ she outranks me,” Shepard points out.

“Oh, fuck, she _does.”_ Kaidan frowns. “Hey, _I_ outrank you, and I still took orders from you.”

“Not when we’re naked.”

Kaidan jabs him in the chest with a finger. “Damn right.” He frowns at Shepard’s coat, trying to parse what’s wrong with it. When it dawns on him, he fumbles for the zipper, and after a few misses, manages to zip it up. “Don’t want you to catch cold,” he says with an affectionate pat.

Shepard boops his nose with a finger before pulling on his gloves.

Once they pilfer a carrot from Echo’s stash in the barn they head for her paddock, where it only takes Shepard three tries to get the gate open. To his credit, at least one of the failed attempts is because snow is in the way. The red mare eyes them curiously from across the field, and starts trudging her way over, leaving tracks in the snow.

“Okay. How do you build a snowman?” Shepard asks.

“With snow,” Kaidan replies.

“Very helpful.”

Kaidan shoves his shoulder. “You make a ball. And then another ball. And put the ball on the ball, then top it with another ball.”

“Can they be big balls?”

Kaidan holds his hands apart for emphasis. “ _Really_ big balls.”

Shepard sniggers.

When they get to the center of the paddock Kaidan drops to his knees in the thick blanket of snow and uses his arms to scoop together as much snow as he can manage.

“Y’see?” Kaidan says. “Y’just…make a snowman.”

“By smooshing snow into balls.”

“Yep.”

“This is so fucking weird.”

Echo approaches the growing pile of snow cautiously, stretching her neck and blowing her nostrils at it. When it doesn’t retaliate, she paws at it with a hoof, sending snow flying.

“Hey!” Shepard gently shoves her nose. Echo snorts and shies away, kicking up snow eddies. When Shepard doesn’t react to her theatrics she saunters back over and butts at his back pocket.

“Outta here, kiddo. I’m workin’.”

“She’s after your nose,” Kaidan points out. “I _told_ you Major Tom was a snitch.”

Shepard’s hand shoots to the carrot stuffed in his back pocket and gives the mare a stern look. “Fuck off, this nose is reserved for someone else.”

“Shoulda brought her her own nose.”

“Find your own nose!” Shepard exclaims, throwing his hands up when Echo persists. “This is my first snowman. You can’t have its nose.”

While Shepard argues with the horse, Kaidan smirks and packs a ball of snow in the palm of his glove. His aim is perfect. Well, perfect in that it at least it doesn’t _miss._

Shepard yelps, the Savior of the Galaxy _yelps,_ when the snowball hits. Echo bolts, tail up in the air like a flag. Shepard stares down at the snow sliding off the front of his jacket, then looks back up at the perpetrator.

“You.”

Kaidan cackles and runs, but doesn’t get far before Shepard tackles him from behind and plants him face-first in the snow. He sputters as Shepard rolls him over and swallows him up in a kiss.

“ _Fuck,_ Alma makes some potent eggnog,” Kaidan manages when Shepard turns him loose. “I think found a pocket of brandy under your tongue.”

“You had to go and brag about biotic metabolism,” Shepard says. “To her _face._ This’s… _revenge,_ that’s what it is.”

“Tastes good for revenge, though.”

“And at least it isn’t fucking peppermint.”

“Fuck you, kiss me.”

Shepard obliges. It’s deep, _intense,_ and _fuck_ his lips are cold. Kaidan settles back into the snow, heedless of the flakes sneaking into his boots and soaking through his very not-waterproof hat. Shepard’s breath is warm, his biotic field sending a current that reverberates from head to toe.

“Getting a little handsy, are we?” Shepard murmurs into his mouth.

Kaidan does a quick inventory. He’s only got two hands, last time he checked, and one is pinned to his chest, while the other is making damned sure Shepard doesn’t get it in his head to stop kissing him.

“No?”

“Then what—”

A crunching sound that isn’t snow reaches Kaidan’s ears, and he dissolves into laughter. “I think Echo stole your nose.”

Shepard looks over his shoulder to find the red mare standing over them, dribbling chunks of carrot spit on his back.

“You little shit. Now how is this fucker going to _breathe?”_

Kaidan uses his free hand to turn Shepard’s head back in his direction. “Listen here, _Commander_ , I did not say you could stop making out with me.”

“But snowman,” Shepard protests. “Also, did you know snow is _really_ fucking cold?”

Kaidan strokes his cheek with a gloved finger. “Then how about we go get warm, restock on noses, and once you’ve kissed me stupid in front of the fire we give it another try?”

Shepard bobs his head. “Yeah. This is a good plan. I like this plan.” He shakes the thermos. “Also, more eggnog.”

“Well, no shit more eggnog.”

“It’s good eggnog.”

Kaidan’s turn to boop Shepard on the nose. Shepard grins and gives him one more kiss before they help each other to their feet. It only takes two tries, too.

Shepard looks at the pathetic start to their snowman. Between the kissing and Echo’s flee right through the middle of the bottom ball they still have a lot of work to do.

“Kissing first,” Shepard declares before taking Kaidan by the end. “Then more snowman.”

“Oh shit, we forgot eyes.”

“…what the hell are their eyes made out of?”

“…coal? I think?”

Shepard puts a hand to his chin, deep in thought. “I think we have grapes.”

“Perfect.”

Kaidan loops an arm through his as they fumble back towards the house. “Yeah,” he says, leaning his head on Shepard’s shoulder. “Perfect.”


End file.
